youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
