What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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