i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Alive.
So much puke
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
