I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
