You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I had to cum in my sink.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
