that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
