My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
