He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
