The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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