My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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