I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
