ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
MIDGETS
????
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
