update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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