How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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