i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
