also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
