your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
