i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
