Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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