We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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