apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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