On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
