dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
