I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
