Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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