After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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