I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
