If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
