I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
