I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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