My Higher Power is John Stamos
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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