I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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