I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
How's work?
Spinning.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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