i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I AM VODKA MAN
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize