it hurts more in the daytime
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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