i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
