So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
