Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Mom said you looked used
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
