the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
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