Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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