"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
