The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
