I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
