You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
