How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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