you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
