That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
