I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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