first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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