I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
