Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
