after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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