You don't have asthma, your pregnant
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
