Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
