Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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