I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
