She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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