all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize