No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
