We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
