I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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