I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize