So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
