Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
