oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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