apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
