hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
