party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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