I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
