maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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