You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
