It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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