Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
my poor anus
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
