Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
